I am ugly and so TIRED

So this blog is about my life as Jennifer Ann Rivas (JAR) well here is the truth about me. I wake up everyday with a heavy heart and hatred for myself. Every night I wish to die in my sleep.The only thing pumping through my veins keeping me alive is my love for my son Keanu, but then again I make his life miserable with the chronic depression I suffer from.People look at me as if I have a good life and it's all fake. people in my faith judge me but only god knows my heart and this horrible depression and anxiety I suffer from. I hate myself to the core .... everything about me is UGLY. Everyday I am alone and all i ever wanted was someone to love me. I have always been who I am ... strange and different at times but as I say SO BE IT! I push people away so I don't get hurt ... but I always hurt . I cry everyday and pray for this pain to leave me alone. People talk about the new system and how all this pain and suffering will end .... but how can I think about that when my soul is already dead? What THE f IS HAPPINESS ANYWAYS .... being married and having friends? I hate being a single parent it's HARD and no one understands. I have given up on me and I hate life! All these people on FB seem happy and well put together emotionally but are they really?


So BE IT!
THIS IS THE TRUTH and who I am
JAR!!!!!